Building Feedback Fluency: Why a Culture of Openness Still Feels Hard – And What to Do About It
By Eleanor Manuel, Head of People & Culture, The Kite Factory
Even in 2025, the word feedback can still make people squirm.
In a workplace shaped by evolving leadership expectations, shifting generational norms and increasing demands for transparency, creating a culture of openness has never been more important – yet it’s still one of the hardest things to do well.
Whether it’s fear of saying the wrong thing, not wanting to upset someone, or simply not knowing how to deliver feedback that lands constructively, the result is often the same: important conversations don’t happen. Or they do, but leave both parties feeling awkward, defensive or misunderstood.
Over time, this chips away at trust, collaboration and performance.
Feedback is a topic I return to time and time again because it’s not just a business tool – it’s a deeply human skill. One that helps teams thrive, relationships deepen, and individuals grow.
So why does feedback still feel so uncomfortable?
Feedback can feel personal.
When we’re under pressure, juggling priorities, or trying to prove our worth, even a small piece of feedback can feel like a judgment on our character. People can spiral into shame or self-doubt:
“I’m failing.”
“They don’t think I’m good enough.”
But feedback doesn’t have to feel like that. When we reframe how we see feedback, we change our experience of it.
That’s where feedback fluency comes in – the ability to give and receive feedback clearly, constructively and with emotional intelligence. Like learning a new language, it takes practice and consistency.
Receiving Feedback: A Skill Worth Mastering
Most conversations about feedback focus on how to give it. But receiving feedback well is equally as important. Here are some powerful mindset shifts and tools I use with teams to help them receive feedback in a way that leads to growth, not defensiveness or shame.
- Pause your inner critic
The moment feedback lands, our inner dialogue often kicks in fast – defensiveness, self-blame, anxiety. Instead of reacting immediately, pause and take a breath. It’s just data.
- Shift from defensiveness to curiosity
Getting curious helps to override that defensive flight or fight response in our brain. Instead of responding from judgement, ask:
- “What’s useful in this?”
- “Is there a theme I can learn from?”
- “What could I do differently next time?”
Curiosity is the antidote to defensiveness. When you stay open, you stay in control of how you choose to interpret a situation.
- Don’t confuse feedback with fact
Remember, feedback is one person’s view – shaped by their expectations, preferences, and experiences. Not every piece of feedback has to be accepted as truth. But if you hear the same message more than once, it’s worth paying attention.
- Ask clarifying questions
If feedback is vague or unclear, ask:
- “Can you give me a specific example?”
- “What would great have looked like?”
- “How did you come to that conclusion?”
This not only helps you improve but shows the person giving feedback that you’re listening and considering what they’re saying.
Generational Expectations: One Size Doesn’t Fit All
One of the more interesting dynamics in today’s workplace is how feedback expectations vary by generation.
- Gen Z and younger Millennials often expect real-time, informal feedback. Think DMs, instant reactions, ongoing dialogue.
- Gen X and Boomers may prefer structured, reflective feedback — and feel uncomfortable with unfiltered or off-the-cuff comments.
This isn’t about who’s doing it right. It’s a reminder that if we want to build feedback-fluent cultures, we must adapt. Our default style won’t work for everyone, so it’s important to understand where to flex our approach.
Personal Responsibility: It Starts With You
Creating a culture of openness starts with how you show up. One of the biggest and most impactful shifts to make in leadership – and support others to make – is to take full responsibility for the communication culture around you.
Ask yourself:
- “Am I modelling openness, or waiting for others to go first?”
- “Do I give feedback regularly – not just when something’s wrong?”
- “Do I ask for feedback and genuinely take it on board?”
- “Am I creating space for others to challenge my thinking?”
If the answer is “sometimes,” there’s an opportunity to improve.
How to Build Feedback Fluency on Your Team
Here are practical ways to help leaders and teams build feedback cultures from the inside out:
- Use simple frameworks: Start with models like Radical Candour – care personally, challenge directly. Combine empathy with honesty.
- Reflect before you speak: Ask: “What’s my intention here?”, “Am I speaking to behaviour or making it personal?
- “Would I feel okay receiving this feedback?”
- Create feedback rituals: Normalise feedback in 1:1s, retrospectives, and via Slack/Teams – not just in formal reviews.
- Train for it: Feedback is a learnable communication skill. Practice it often and develop the skill.
- Make it safe: Psychological safety is the soil feedback grows in. When people feel safe to speak up, reflect, and learn without fear of judgment – that’s when growth happens.
Final Thoughts
In a working world defined by hybrid models, rapid change, and evolving expectations, feedback fluency isn’t just nice to have, it’s essential. So, my challenge to you moving forward to create openness is:
Be the person who makes feedback normal.
Model it. Ask for it. Receive it well.
And if something’s not working – don’t wait for someone else to fix it.